barbedflower


Thoughts...

Living With All My Might


Home
barbedflower

What does home mean to you?

To me, home is living in darkness and in fear. Being at home means shackled in my room. Going to the bathroom and kitchen is a luxury.

I get nervous and fear hearing the room door open because it usually means I am about to be scolded for some unreasonable things that I did not do. I check and check again if the lights and fan is switched off lest I get another scolding again.

I rather starve and no longer cook in fear of getting scolded for using the dish dryer.

I no longer watch TV because it is deemed to be distracting and the TV remotes are all hidden.

I try to live like a mouse and be as non-existent as possible so that he will forget that I exist.

I forgot how to laugh and smile because those are not allowed at home.

I spend my time in darkness so often that the darkness and solitude became a friend.

I get nervous and my heart beats erratically out of fear that his temper would be taken out on me instead.

I live in constant fear not knowing when he would explode.

If this is home, how is it different from being imprisoned both physically and mentally?


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